I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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