I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
