C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
