On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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