her vagine was all disorganized.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
