I CAN MOONWALK!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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