Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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