You're so nebulous sometimes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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