No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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