"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
