Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
