be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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