Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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