turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
