Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
