oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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