I want to walk on stilts...naked
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
