whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize