my phone needs a breathalizer
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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