is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
