god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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