i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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