Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
