she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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