you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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