"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize