im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
