I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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