I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't deserve a penis
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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