I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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