she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
