help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
