I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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