This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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