and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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