He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
