I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
