a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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