I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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