Im at strip club and am horny
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
