Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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