thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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