I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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