life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
