Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
