Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
