FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
