haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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