You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
