if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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