I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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