If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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