u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize