dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
