The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
