your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize