I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
