and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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