We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
