I can text with my tongue
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
