Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
