if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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