if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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