Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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