I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
