maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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