theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
