Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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