I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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