Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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