i barfeds in our rink
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize