I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
