he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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