I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
