Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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