Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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