His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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