OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
