i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
