You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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