i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize